The Truth about a Family who Lied

 My mother is a queen at lying and she made a lot of things up, she treated me like a mini parrot, I copied her and I angrily saw the world change. I saw the look of paperwork and neglect, this was seen today when I read through what my mother did to someone I care more about each time. I love my nephew, he is my shining light of my life, a memory of a sister I loved dearly. 

I am afraid of becoming like my mother, I already felt my anger rise, I wanted to lash out at her, I wanted to punch my own mother. She lied to me, she lied to me for years and yet, here I am facing the fact that I saw someone who truly cared for my sister and wanted to bring her out of her darkness, but my mother wouldn't allow it. 

To this point, my own heart lies on the floor and I just stomped on it, because what the fuck was wrong with me for so long? My sister never once deserved what she got, she was bullied by a bitch named Shafali, she was dragged around by my mom to do modeling, which honestly, my sister was way happier when she was just doing her own thing. She was an artist, she was singer, a fun person, but my mother ruined that part of her life. 

My mother almost hurt my nephew, and now I am ready to just make it seen and heard, I'm not that person, I am not that human being. My gods, the lies, the horrible memories I tried to hide from the world comes back the moment I see the papers shown. 

I thank my former brother-in-law for taking it upon himself to show me the fact this shit is real! I don't defend a mother who lied to me, who filled my head with lies and paranoid thoughts. While I think about it, how much of my life was wrecked too. 

Let's start with me,  the oldest of my family. 1980, I was born, I went to two different elementary schools, one my mother did not like the teachers. I was taken out and didn't see a classroom till I was six. My teacher was a woman who was lousy at her job, but at least she wasn't as bad. I couldn't read until I was seven, I barely could figure out the homework and honestly, I was put in special ed, I was alone and treated like crap, but I had a few friends.

My mother worked hard, but she turned around a pulled me out in fifth grade after my stuff was stolen, my mother refused to buy me new school supplies, not that it mattered. I was then pulled out of seventh grade after an incident where my glasses were nearly broken, my mom kept me home. 

Eighth grade, I had a teacher who honestly taught me some idea of how to avoid being treated badly, I ran away after awhile. Joined band in school, had to cope with shit being broken into, my friends were not there and I was scared to talk. 

My mother was so focused on my sister, that my education suffered, but I had to try harder and I wanted to work, but my mother did not care. She used that whole, Special Needs BS to point out I couldn't do math or had trouble with it. I was basically feeling like I was stupid. 

I was lied to, then given excuses, my grandmother literally had to talk to me into doing something worthwhile for me, I wanted to be an author. I was given zero support for that from my mother, she kind of made fun of it. I started to take that part seriously. 

My friends called my mother abusive, my former friend, Anthony called me lonely and I needed friends, he tried and soon my mother chased him out. I was scared of attempting and soon people in a community of nerds found out  that my mother controlled a lot of my life. I was not allowed to date and if I did, I was pestered to return home to babysit her pets. 

I finally moved out and did my own thing, then my sister returned home, she started to change and things got worse. My mother controlled a lot of things, then controlled my sister and her child, she made a narrative that the father wanted nothing to do with the child, when he was trying to clean up and do his best. 

2019, sister dies and I realize that something is not right, my nephew is not able to take care of himself and when I try to offer to help, I get shot down. I'm not allowed to see things as I need to. My mother only showed me what she wanted me to see, nephew didn't eat healthy food, which made me wonder, he didn't eat salads or veggies like I did at his age. I was shocked, my parents when I was a kid wouldn't let me eat garbage like heat up foods. 

2020 COVID, my nephew was cut off entirely from his friends other than his family, he was allowed ZOOM meets with his father, but things are still annoying to me. I start to wonder if something is going on and I am given partial truths.

2021, something happens in that summer and my nephew is sent to live with his father, somewherei n my mind I am angry, but to me, I am relieved. My brain says his father is a good man, his father is not a monster as your mother thinks, I keep that in mind for it, I start to ask questions and I want to know why this is happening. 

So present I get the answers and I am now reeling and I want to yell and scream, not at the man who is the father, but at my own mother. A mother protects her children and grand-children. What the hell is wrong with this picture? I get my answers and I get vented at, I nod, I am relieved, then something started to flood back, my nephew and me are standing staring at each other. A 12 year old me, a child who was alone, who was screaming in a mirror to be let out, my nephew being let out of the cage and allowed to live. Something I want so badly for my nephew to do. 

Why am I writing this? Why is this so damn important?

I am the psychologically abused adult and child of a parent who was supposed to care, yet my mother used Learning Disabilities as a crutch, she used my nephew's cancer as a crutch. She used this to get attention and yet here I am, I stand angrily staring at this woman who for years got away with it. 

So to my former brother-in-law, I came to my decision and yes, its one I am will be jumping back and forth with. Do I support your choice? YES! Oh hell yes, oh hell keep my nephew safe, tell him the truth, keep him aware that shit like this is wrong. 

My nephew is lying to himself, and here I am telling my side of the story, my side of the horrible issues I had with a woman who never totally cared for me. She used that whole, "I worked with psychologists and did research to extend your SATs or ACTs." You know what I didn't need you sitting in the room with me! I didn't need you trying to find some way to make me feel like I was stupid! 

My nephew is way more important than me right now and I have to explain why I feel so angry about it! He deserves more and should have a future that isn't up in a terrible isolated place. 

Evergreen CO was isolating to me! How long were you going to keep me trapped? Dad put his foot down and I love him, but you mom, what the hell is wrong with you?

I vented and I have more to say, my life was wrecked and my nephew's was saved. So to my former brother-in-law, you are amazing, you are totally worthy of my love. You can never forgive me, I don't want you to, but guess what, this girl is going to make the decision I should have made when she started to attack a person I love! 

So as of July 2022, I am going to be officially married to a man I love and have been with since 2010. And this is going to be the last time I will ever mention this woman in my life! She ruined a man who wasn't even allowed to prove he fixed himself, he proved my own beliefs that people change for better when given that chance. People are going to change, people will make a choice to change, the world is not set like my mother's view of it. 

So I am bidding a farewell to my mother, she has made me realize that she cannot and shall never be part of my family. I am building a new one and this one is going to be built on the foundations that my mother will never be there. I will have kids and I will have a chance to show my true light. I am sick of the shadows and lies, and these are my own confessions. 

1. I tried to run from being a big sister, when my mother started to put pressure on my sister, she caused me to quit college because of it. 

2. I was called lazy or fat, I was forced to diet when I was 19, and ended up getting sick, I was taking martial arts, went to dietian and found out I wasn't overweight, this is my normal body type.

3. My mother made have social anxiety from being made fun of, I was so scared that I hid in my room, I became introverted. I still am.

4. I couldn't get angry, if I did, I was told I needed to see a shrink, I was scared to express any emotions.

5. I was viewed as a pet sitter from the time I was 17 to 23.

6. I tried to take my life at 14, my sister threw way the Tylenol PM which I was taking to help me sleep off a headache,. I was scared to admit it to people that I was depressed because my mom kept talking down to me. 

7. I got grounded for no reason, this happened so often I just got used to it, I never told people that. 

8. I was talking to myself from the time I was 7 to present because each time I tried to make friends, it turned out my mother would not get along with the other parents. 

There is a lot more...and it get worse too. I spent much of time as a child realizing that I was alone, my motto became, "Once Alone, Always Alone," which I would cry when I realized I was alone. I stopped trying to figure things out after awhile, then realized when my nephew was born, that there had to be a change in the world for me. This kid is my special friend, he is my only living memory of a sister I lost. 

I am not going to allow my mother to ever control that aspect and if I have to stand in front of a judge, I will tell them everything that happened to me and how much I never want this to be repeated. I don't want my own kids to know the truth and the pain, that I have to endure the scars of it and she lied to me! She LIED and someone died! 

This is it, this is a conclusion to the issue and yet not one at the same time. I am having a hard time with dealing with the fact I love my nephew and I love my sister's exhusband as he has opened my eyes. I am not my mother and I am not going to speak of what happened. 

Lies are lies, and sometimes you have to face an awful fact, my family is dysfunctional and it hurts more than I can bare it. I don't care if my sister's exhusband doesn't trust me, I don't want to prove it, I want to prove to my own nephew and my kids, that the world is better off when we love each other. I am not going to be part of my family if that person, my mother is part of it. Its over...I am done, this is not a family I wanted to be in.